How to Stop Swamp Ass From Ruining Your Day (And Your Life)
Don’t suffer with swamp ass when you’ve got plenty of powders, creams, and even antiperspirants at your disposal. (And breathable, moisture-wicking fabrics, too).
August 01, 2024
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Monkey butt. Swamp crotch. Swass. Diaper butt. Butt sweat. By any name, swamp ass always sucks. I speak first hand here: Somehow, when I’ve forgotten to apply swamp crotch prevention products, my netherregions turn into a tropical climate—no matter the temperature or humidity levels or fabric I’m wearing. Just total sweat, constantly.
I won’t even apologize for the visual, as I know a lot of you deal with the same figurative pain in the ass. I sure as hell don’t have to be sweaty, especially not down there without any ventilation. So, let’s go over some swamp ass remedies here.
The Best Products for Swamp Ass
These are some of the swamp ass products that appear throughout the article.
- The Best Powder-Based Cream for Swamp Ass: Happy Nuts Comfort Cream
- The Best Body Powder for Swamp Ass: Happy Nuts Comfort Powder
- The Best Antiperspirant Spray for Swamp Ass: Dove Men+Care Clean Comfort 72-Hour Dry Spray
- The Best Antiperspirant Cream for Swamp Ass: Carpe Antiperspirant Hand Lotion
- The Best Moisture-Wicking Underwear for Swamp Ass: Bamboo Cool, True Classic, and Reebok
- The Best Ventilated Work Chair for Swamp Ass: ELABEST Ergonomic Mesh Office Chair
- The Best Manscaping Trimmer for Sweaty Guys: Gillette Intimate Pubic Hair Trimmer
- The Best Wipes for Sweaty Guys: Cottonelle GentlePlus Flushable Wet Wipes
Please use our links (those above as well as any links featured throughout the article); doing so supports the work we put into making Blue Print by Adam Hurly.
How to Stop Swamp Ass
Here are the most successful measures I’ve found for dealing with swamp crotch.
1. Use powder-based products
Just as you might sprinkle some moisture-absorbing powder into your socks and onto your feet, you can do the same moisture mitigation with your groin. And as a bonus, they also prevent chafing.
But it’s not just pure powder: There are also starch-based powder creams and sprays that coat your underballs, thighs, and butt cheeks to help everything stay fresh and dry. I always look for tapioca starch as my “powder” of choice, since it also has a nice silky-smooth feeling, which also helps a lot on the chafing front. Other great alternatives include rice starch, corn starch, and arrowroot powder. With this category of products, you’ll see lots of messaging about products being “talc free”. While talc has some unfortunate links to ovarian cancer and is especially unsafe to inhale, the odds of it causing you problems (as a person, not just as a man) is pretty slim to none. Still, I do think it’s smart to generally avoid talc-based products given the bevy of alternatives that work fantastically.
My absolute favorite brand in this space is the cheekily named Happy Nuts (and aptly named, too, might I add). I use their tapioca starch Comfort Cream daily from April to October, and any time I know I’m going to be rubbing these thighs together a bunch, too.
If I’m just parked in place all day and anticipate a swampy situation (minus any friction), I am likelier to sprinkle their Comfort Powder down south, and I’m fairly liberal with it (just a preference—but the result keeps me nice and dry all day, too, while the tapioca starch keeps my skin smooth and nourished nevertheless).
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2. Consider applying antiperspirants around your butt, too
I’m a recent convert to using antiperspirant a bit more liberally around my body, and not just my armpits. No, I don’t douse myself in it, but I strategically target an area if I think it needs to be quelled for the day—like my back if I’m wearing a white t-shirt that fits a bit snugly at the height of summer, or on my underbutt if I’m going to be parked on my ass in a poorly ventilated situation.
But remember: I am not a dermatologist, though I do think the majority of them would give a general “all clear” on antiperspirant use in the event of desperate need—like if you’re traveling all day and don’t want to soak in your own swass for 10 hours. Most antiperspirants are formulated for your armpits—which are already a bit more sensitive than the majority of your bodily skin, so I just make certain to avoid the more sensitive areas of my groin, targeting thighs and underbutt.
(I’ll have a whole video on aluminum soon, with doctorly advice throughout, to dispel a lot of the hearsay around that wrongfully maligned ingredient. This Spy.com article I wrote covers the bases, too. The main thing to avoid is applying aluminum to areas that are overly sensitive and easily irritated; as a sweat-stopping ingredient, it is perfectly safe to use—I will pin my journalistic reputation on that until a single credible study proves otherwise.)
This is a lifesaver on an active vacation too, like if I’m going to be out walking around in the heat for the entire day and I’m at risk for swamp crotch, thigh rub, and potential fungal buildup from all of those variables. I never thought of antiperspirant as a prevention for jock itch, but I’ve written a few articles lately where trusted dermatologists and cosmetic chemists have gone on record to say that it’s perfectly safe to apply antiperspirant to any place on the body—which more or less is a green light to plug up your groin sweat ducts with aluminum, I guess.
Still, I say to err on the conservative side here. Use it as a secret weapon when you need it most. The aforementioned powder-based products will save your spirits most days, but antiperspirant is always waiting in the wings for the heavy lifting days. It’s best to apply it the night before it’s most needed, if you’re able to think ahead. That aluminum can take a good 8 hours or so to fully absorb into your pores and block things up.
As for my go-to body antiperspirant, I think it’s a little weird to rub a deodorant stick under and around my butt cheeks (personal preference), so I prefer an aerosol option: Dove Men+Care Clean Comfort 72-Hour Dry Spray is my jam, through and through.
And if you’re really swampy under there, a layer of Carpe’s hyperhidrosis-targeting hand lotion will go a long way, too. (The better part of the work day, at least.)
Again, remember that this is not dermatological advice; always spot-check any product in that area to see if you experience any inverse reactions. Avoid your junk and the insides of your cheeks, and you should steer clear of major sensitivity issues.
3. Wear moisture-wicking underwear (and more breathable pants)
Next, reconsider the material of your underwear. (And maybe wear denim less often, too; it just doesn’t breathe well.) With your undies in particular, steer clear of pure cotton, since it tends to absorb and retain moisture all too easily. Instead, look for lightweight ingredients that “wick” the moisture away from your skin by absorbing it and allowing it to evaporate much more quickly. (Again, this will help in the jock-itch-prevention department, too.)
Instead, look for synthetic materials like nylon, polyester, microfiber, and elastane/spandex, as well as bamboo fiber and modal. These are the fabrics that are commonly used in performance-based underwear, shapewear, and lining—all for the same reason. (That also means the material stretches nicely and won’t bunch up like cotton underwear or, god forbid, boxers.) Please try out some briefs or trunks, for your own comfort.
But I understand that it’s all about preference. And that’s why I hate recommending underwear more than any other grooming product. Choose something that suits your personal aesthetic preference, but ideally with ingredients like those mentioned above. If I may make a suggestion or three: Bamboo Cool’s bamboo-nylon trunks; True Classic’s micro modal/elastane boxer briefs, and Reebok’s low-rise polyester-spandex briefs.
4. Audit your indoor environment
What kind of chair are you sitting on all day? What kind of ventilation do you have in your workspace? And how humid is it there?
These are the kinds of things you need to consider about the spaces that you occupy for the majority of your day, in addition to the above tips about your underwear and pants fabrics. Maybe you should get an office chair with a mesh ventilated seat (and mesh ventilated back support, like the one below, which I use and swear by—for its ergonomics, above all else).
Or maybe you could use a dehumidifier for swampy and poorly ventilated rooms, if you don’t otherwise use air conditioning.
5. Don’t over-do the manscaping
While a little manscaping is good for aesthetics, you don’t necessarily want to wax or shave it all off. For one, having stubble in your butt cheeks is like rubbing two pieces of sandpaper together—ouch—but also, your body hair helps regulate body temperature. So it helps pull that moisture from your body so that it can evaporate. Pair a little bit of pubes with that breathable underwear fabric and powder-based products mentioned above, and you’ve got a great recipe for keeping cooler and dryer.
So, next time you take the manscaping trimmer to your junk, maybe leave a centimeter or more so that your body hairs can do their work. Otherwise, you might just have a buildup of sweat on the skin, which is no good for odor, fungal infections, and sweat alike.
The best trimmer for your pubes, by the way? For me, it’s a toss up between Gillette Intimate Trimmer and BALLS’ Archibald Trimmer. Both give a safe buffer between teeth and skin so that you don’t nick any loose skin, and both allow you to leave behind long-enough hair for the sake of function and aesthetics, without looking stark bald or feeling overly swampy.
6. Change your workout schedule
One reason you might be sweating more is because of your body’s post-workout heart rate. I personally need 30-45 minutes of relaxation time post-shower after a good cardio workout before I can suit up for the day—simply because my high heart rate will just lead me to sweating even more if I restrict the skin with clothes and products (only antiperspirants will prevent it in this instance). So I find it smarter to work out after the workday, in the instances where I can’t budget enough time before work for this cool-down threshold. It’s annoying to plot my day around swamp ass, but less annoying than having my day plagued by a sweaty tush.
I think the argument can be made that some shampoos, like the salicylic acid option from Neutrogena (listed above, and again below), also qualify as exfoliating treatments, if you use them to temper problems as they arise. This one cranks up the salicylic acid concentration to 3% so that you get extra balancing and exfoliating bennies.
7. Carry wipes for your butt sweat
Yes, I suggest you be the guy who carries wipes with him in his work bag—if the swamp crotch problem haunts you badly enough, or in case any of the aforementioned measures wears off by the end of a long day. But this isn’t necessarily the kind of butt wipe you use post-poo; it’s the kind of refreshing body wipe that purifies and cleanses the skin, so that you get a much-needed reset. It’ll do you huge favors in the odor mitigation department, too, by neutralizing any cantankerous bacteria down there. (Many standard fare butt wipes will work just fine as skin cleansers, too.)
You don’t need to overdo it with overly branded wipes. Just look for value and good reviews—and if you insist on flushing, be sure your wipes are able to be safely flushed, less you want a back-logged toilet.
Here’s a sensitive-friendly flushable bundle from Cottonelle that is only 5 cents per wipe:
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